I'm In Love with the Good Picture Lady

Dear Mama,

I'm in love with the good picture lady. I'm thinking of petitioning our local government to see about changing the marriage laws in our state to include babies. Mama, she's a beautiful angel who smells like sweet perfume and Cheerwine. When I woke up from my nap she was just there and my heart jumped a little. I was a white hot mess today and she still loved me. I think she might secretly be Glinda the good witch.

She has this giant fancy camera. She won't let me touch it, but she let me pose as much as I wanted. I climbed all over this chair trying out every pose I could think of. She told me just to work it and I did! I felt like a rock star, which you would think it would be hard because of all the snot dripping out of my nose.

Oh the sweet music of the good picture lady. She played the old picture lady's piano and sang me songs. Songs about me, songs about Christmas, and silly songs about silly things. She even kept singing to me after I wiped my nose all over her shirt. Isn't she divine Mama? I sang too, and danced all over the room. It was fantastic. I think I wanna be a Donnie Osmond when I grow up. Mama did you know that Leah's related to Donnie Osmond? Maybe she can put his people in touch with my people. That's you, you're my people.

Murphy's such a fool. She just stared out the window and shook in anticipation of the old picture lady coming home. Doesn't she know that the old picture lady sucks? I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen. In fact she wouldn't even come near me until I started throwing tortilla pieces at her. What does she know anyway?

Leah had to get her picture taken too because she was wearing English clothes from her fauntie Sarah B. in England. She was really annoyed about it at first, but she warmed up after I showed her how to pose like a pro. She appreciated me taking her under my wing like that. That Leah has a lot to learn, good thing I'm here to teach her stuff. Can I say Mama, that the English think they're so much better than us because they have Madonna now, but they're so wrong. Leah tells me Sarah B. likes mericans though, she studied them in college and writes our congress women and men for fun. I get it, because we're awesome.

So I wish I could see the good picture lady everyday, but she's always sick and busy. Someday we'll be together. I love her.

Love H