What's Worse?

That my hair is so long it naturally goes to the Dwight Schrute hair or....


that Leah looks more and more like Homer Simpson with each passing day?

Holy Rage Batman!

Dear Mama,

Today, I am angry. Very, very angry. No nap and no lunch equals rage. Plus, you know how Leah is kind of dumb. Well today I just couldn't take it anymore. First, she kept hitting the blue button the incrediblock. She never had any interest in it before. Now, she hits it over and over and doesn't let the song play through. I kept gently picking up her hand and moving it away but she kept putting it back. Then she puked inside the green block. Disgusting. Then she puked in the little tray on the incrediblock. I'm surprised she isn't living on the porch with the dogs.  I still love her and she is my best friend but really, I need some kids on my level every once and awhile.

See my anger? I just couldn't get over it. 

See the rage I caused Leah to have? I am so tired of this stupid day. Can you put me to bed already?

Love,

H

Safety First

Dear Mama,

Dad put me in my baby safety onesie today. I think he is starting to realize that the picture lady isn't so good at childcare. Babies and accounting aren't so similar.  

Leah is sporting some lovely overalls from her Grandma Nancy. Why don't I have any clothes with butterflies and flowers? I think I would look really nice. 

Love,

H

Catching Up on Stories You Already Know.

Dear Mama,

I know I already told you all the things I've been doing lately but I figured I'd put them here to preserve them for prosperity.

Last Tuesday, the picture lady told me to smile and I did this...

I learned how to walk with the blue hippo walker. The picture lady took a video on it but is rather dull and can't figure out how to load it on her computer. It makes her use more than the old right click and save which makes her confused and want to quit using computers and just watch Newsradio all day every day.

Today I had fruit for lunch, naked. Naked eating is my kind of meal. I like to stick nasty ohs in my diaper. And peaches. Then the picture lady spent a long time cleaning my arms and face and picked me up and I got stuck to her. I had rubbed fruit juice all over my whole body. It was even in my hair. She gave me a bath. She was going to dress me in another dress and take pictures but it was too close to when you came to pick me up but she will probably do it soon anyhow. There's a new sailor dress that I am DYING to wear. 

Leah's hemorrhoid is getting much better but now she poops like its her job. You should have dad put her poop belt pictures on the internet. See how happy she is now?

Love,

H

A Defiant Apology from the Picture Lady

Dear H's Mama,

Sorry to be so slack in blog posting lately. I offer the following excuses.

- I had to wipe my computer and reinstall everything and haven't yet reinstalled the camera software so I can't get the pictures in the living room, where we hang out since it is a safer zone than the dangerous cords and sharp edges of the office. Now that H is more mobile, that matters.

- I got sick. You know all about it since I gave it your husband and son, and Leah, who you have breakfast with a few times a week. 

- Lately, Leah and H have been coming home, eating lunch and immediately taking a nap. I don't want to take pictures of them sleeping because then they might wake up. I live in fear. Fear of awake babies who don't let me eat lunch and enjoy season 1 and 2 of Newsradio courtesy of Netflix. 

- A couple of times, H wouldn't take a nap and then I couldn't work on the computer because instead of taking a nap he wanted to CRY and CRY so then we had to take a walk, so he wouldn't CRY and CRY anymore.

- H takes his naps in the office where I need to post blogs. This plays on that fear of waking up babies.

- I had to do my actual job. Can you believe they actually expect me to meet deadlines just because they pay me? Sometimes they're all like, "get your work done" and I'm all like, "but what about blogging?" and they're like, "blog shmog, who pays for T-Days huh? How do you pay for that high speed internet? Darn straight, it's us" and I'm like, "fine, but I'm taking a nap first".

Even if you don't think any of the above listed reasons are good, I know you'll relate to this one. I choose naps. If I can take a nap, I will. And I know you will too. If it makes you feel better, I also gave up balancing the checkbook, doing dishes and laundry and just cleaning my house in general. I think I may pick those back up this weekend. Maybe not.

Here's a picture of you're sons butt.

Love,

Lady Bell

Baby's First Hemorrhoid

Dear Mama,

We need to get Leah a card. We went to the doctor today and it turns out all her anger was from roid rage. She pooped a big poop that was literally the size of her arm (not including the hand and slightly thinner but gross just the same). It gave her a hemorrhoid. On a similar note, turns out I have an ear infection. I know I am a man now and I should be able to withstand such trivial things but the picture lady says she signed up for the happiest baby in the world and I'm just not cutting it today.

Intense rage like I've never seen.

Me and the doc

So, Chipotle for dinner? Yes? No?

Love,

H

This Booster Seat is Going With Me to College....Next Fall

Dear Mama,

I am maturing so fast these days. I got booted to the grown up table today so Leah could have the high chair. The high chair that is for babies. Not for men like me. I'm thinking of enrolling at NC State in the fall. At the rate I'm going, I think I can get a masters before Dad. 

Love,

H

Lazy, Lazy Picture Lady

She really needs to get her act together. Leah, could you please tell your lazy mom to do her job. I can only give so many chances before she must be fired.

Who's a Big Boy? This Guy Right Here.

Dear Mama,

Leah is growing up. She almost fits into her Johnny Jump Up. If you're wondering what she is looking at, it's me. All grown up and playing with puzzles and tools. Someday I'm going to be an electrician.

Love,

H