The Following Things Have Been "Fed" to Leah by H Today

A block

Some puffs

A nut (from the toy tool set)

Murphy's tail

H's bottle

Leah's bottle

A wrench (also from the tool set)

A farm book

Dog food

He would also like to feed these items to Murphy. She would like to find a place to hide.

Blue Block Pig Nose

I look awesome. You should hear the noises I can make with this thing on.

I Love Murphy, She Hates Me, We're a Happy Family

Dear Mama,

Now that Jack Jack is gonzo Murphy stays inside all day long. She is always good for a laugh so I don't mind having her around but let me tell you how she feels about me. I get to have snacks at a level that she believes is reserved only for her. She believes that if it is not high on a table, it's fair game for everyone. Well the picture lady put some crackers on the ottoman for me to eat and yelled at Murphy to stay out of it. She thought this meant EVERYONE. Every time I went to get a cracker she growled at me and barked at me. This resulted in her having to spend the entire day with the picture lady. So much for freedom.

Love,

H

H's All New Adventures With The New Old Picture Lady

Dear Mamma,

I had high hopes when you told me that I would be spending my summer with a different babysitter.  You can imagine how shocked I was when you dropped me off and I was at the old pictures lady's house.  You know, the lady who watched me last summer and dressed me up and took pictures.  I don't think that I need to remind you of these...

I wish that you could just send me to someone who doesn't find it entertaining to take pictures of me.  The new old picture lady says that I am here to amuse her.  She makes Baby Leah spend the whole day in her Johnny Jump Up.  She says that Baby Leah has to keep production at The Baby Fun Factory up to quota.  It's called a Baby Fun Factory.... I thought that meant it was supposed to be fun.  I guess its one of those names that is the exact opposite of what it is like The Clean Skies Act or No Child Left Behind.

I thought that nothing could be more boring than the picture lady's spread sheets and time sheets.  Oh, how wrong I was.  The new old picture lady read me "The Three Little Pigs".  Then she ask me how The Big Bad Wolf and The Great Gatsby are examples of the death of the American Dream.  I told her that both characters are trying to possess things that were never theirs to possess in the first place, thus the American Dream is dead to them.  Then she asked "Can you back your argument up with quotes from the text?"  Can you believe that Mamma?  I am a baby and I can't even read.  I thought that my answer was pretty impressive for a baby.  

I also thought that I was getting away from little dogs.....but NO.... the new old picture lady has a little dog too.  This dog is not white.  It is black with fuzzy hair and it follows me around the house hoping for treats.  I made the mistake of giving her one of my goldfish crackers and now she won't stop following me.  It's like I'm The Greatful Dead.  All I want to do is play in the curtains, which is my new favorite pass time, and here comes that fuzzy black thing wanting more treats.

The new old picture lady says that she will be gone for awhile.  I certainly hope that you can come up with somebody funner before she gets back.

Yeah, I Know This Still Doesn't Make Up for My Lack of Posting

A conversation between Leah and H.

To the untrained ear it sounds like "ba da da ba da la ya ya ya"

To the picture lady it sounds like...

H - Leah, I hate your mom.

Leah - Hate is a strong word.

H - Leah, I super double hate your mom.

Leah - I used to like her 5 shots ago.

H - I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to go on this stupid afternoon of errands when I cried all the way to the new old picture lady's and then to the doctor and then the whole time we were at the doctor and then all the way to the library.

Leah - Yeah, I got the hint. My dad told me she is just a little crazy when she gets it in her head to run errands. She starts and won't stop until she has accomplished everything she ever set out to do in her entire life.

H - Let's get even. I'll refuse to take a nap and you should poop a ton and make it blow out every direction.

Leah - I'm already on it. I've been getting even twice a week with your dad since February and he didn't even do anything to me.

Out of Office Reply...

To whom it may concern,

I was out on vacation for the last month because my dad finished school and I did not have to go to the picture lady's house. I am considering this the best month of my life to date. This blog serves as evidence of her neglectful ways. Starting tomorrow, I will be using a second ghost writer named Fauntie Liz, Blogger At Large. I will be spending non T-days with her but still have to spend Tuesday and Thursday at the picture lady's house. Fauntie Liz has a pool and all her movies are on a low shelf where I will be able to easily pull them all out. She also has a small dog that won't lick me all over like Jack Jack and she doesn't have a second job over the summer besides watching Leah and I so I know she won't make me do other work. I will also be going to another baby sitter besides these two as well. I don't think we'll force her to ghost write my blog but if there are some days missing, I may be there. Or the picture lady is still trying to get fired.

Love,

H

Catching Up

Dear Mama,

I know I am a slacker blogger. This is just a preview of things to come. If someday you tell me to clean my room, I'll let you know that if I can't be bothered to blog I surely can't be bothered to do real work. I think I'll wait until I'm 26 to get my first job and I might drop out of high school.

Love,

H